I was lost in a strange busy city where I knew no one. It was broad daylight and people were busy walking up and down, however, I connected to no one to ask for directions. Walking on foot, trying to find my way back, I tried a “gate” where a few men were sitting and chatting. Interestingly, for a moment in the dream, it felt like I was passing through the “City gate” mentioned in the book of Proverbs 31 (you know how dreams can be like).
As I walked past, contemplating where the exit would take me; I was suddenly stopped, more like halted, by 2 men who told me in a not-so-friendly manner that I would need to pay to get out from that side. So, avoiding any trouble, I quickly turned back to go in the opposite direction hoping to blend in with the crowds. The men pursued me and quickly caught up and said: “lady, that’s not how it works around here; you need to pay”.
Now, I could tell that I was really in trouble.
Suddenly, I remembered that I had often gotten out of trouble by being “nice” and showing the trouble-makers kindness in the hope that they may realize that I didn’t “deserve” any trouble. So, in spite of the fear I felt in my entire body; I smiled and showed them that I did not even have a bag with me and therefore no wallet and no money to pay them with. I told them that I was lost and trying to find my way back to where my wallet was. I told them that since I could not pay them, I would simply find another gate where I would not need to pay. By this time, the men’s eyes were big and round in a scary way. I was not ready for one of them tapping me fast in my vagina, on top of my clothes, saying: “even if you don’t have money, you can still pay us”. Then he had his tongue out as though ready to devour me right there and then.
As I normally do in nightmares, at this point, I jumped out of sleep and woke myself up to find my heart beating very fast with fear and a sense of powerlessness.
Wow! Now, that was the worst dream I have ever had. Whew! I woke up wondering:
What could the dream be about?
Was it a warning perhaps?
After calming myself down, I had the word PTSD flashing in my mind, as though I was getting a message that the interpretation of the dream lied in that word. I have studied Post a Traumatic Stress Disorder both as part of my Junior Degree as well as the Psychology Honours degree and knew that it was a serious disorder. But waking up from the dream I needed a quick reminder. So I consulted the good Dr. Google and I found the following meaning, among many:
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.
Indalo would Ask: “Who does the PTSD belong to mama?” from a “game” we play together to acknowledge that we are sensitive beings who, most of the time, take on other people’s emotions, feelings, and /or illnesses.
Yes, it was a dream and whether I am “sponging” from the many women that are living this dream daily in the world or it is a buried memory coming to surface I do not know and frankly, it does not matter. What matters is that this is the life we live in. The question to ask rather is:
“Who does this PTSD not belong to ?” because that stands to be a shorter list.
I am still shaking with fear, and now anger and pain have joined. Whilst I still don’t know what to do to make this evil stop, I am grateful I have a Soul Dancing workshop coming later this week. I am stepping into this one to dance all the PTSD out of my body, my soul and my spirit. The great thing about Soul Dancing is that I can work with one charge and clear all the anger, the fear and the pain in various sessions. The power in clearing all these emotional charges is that if I don’t, then I am actually choosing to block all the joy, love, lightness and greatness within me.
I am encouraged always to face all my “demons”, this one too, by the following quote from my favourite poet?
“The best way out is always through.”
I love 💗