Intention – To Dance all PTSD out of my Soul

May 2019 Soul Dancing

I was lost in a strange busy city where I knew no one. It was broad daylight and people were busy walking up and down, however, I connected to no one to ask for directions. Walking on foot, trying to find my way back, I tried a “gate” where a few men were sitting and chatting. Interestingly, for a moment in the dream, it felt like I was passing through the “City gate” mentioned in the book of Proverbs 31 (you know how dreams can be like).

As I walked past, contemplating where the exit would take me; I was suddenly stopped, more like halted, by 2 men who told me in a not-so-friendly manner that I would need to pay to get out from that side. So, avoiding any trouble, I quickly turned back to go in the opposite direction hoping to blend in with the crowds. The men pursued me and quickly caught up and said: “lady, that’s not how it works around here; you need to pay”. 

Now, I could tell that I was really in trouble.

Suddenly, I remembered that I had often gotten out of trouble by being “nice” and showing the trouble-makers kindness in the hope that they may realize that I didn’t “deserve” any trouble. So, in spite of the fear I felt in my entire body; I smiled and showed them that I did not even have a bag with me and therefore no wallet and no money to pay them with. I told them that I was lost and trying to find my way back to where my wallet was. I told them that since I could not pay them, I would simply find another gate where I would not need to pay. By this time, the men’s eyes were big and round in a scary way. I was not ready for one of them tapping me fast in my vagina, on top of my clothes, saying: “even if you don’t have money, you can still pay us”. Then he had his tongue out as though ready to devour me right there and then.

As I normally do in nightmares, at this point, I jumped out of sleep and woke myself up to find my heart beating very fast with fear and a sense of powerlessness. 

Wow! Now, that was the worst dream I have ever had. Whew! I woke up wondering:

What could the dream be about?

Was it a warning perhaps?


After calming myself down, I had the word PTSD flashing in my mind, as though I was getting a message that the interpretation of the dream lied in that word. I have studied Post a Traumatic Stress Disorder both as part of my Junior Degree as well as the Psychology Honours degree and knew that it was a serious disorder. But waking up from the dream I needed a quick reminder. So I consulted the good Dr. Google and I found the following meaning, among many:

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

Indalo would Ask: “Who does the PTSD belong to mama?” from a “game” we play together to acknowledge that we are sensitive beings who, most of the time, take on other people’s emotions, feelings, and /or illnesses.

Yes, it was a dream and whether I am “sponging” from the many women that are living this dream daily in the world or it is a buried memory coming to surface I do not know and frankly, it does not matter. What matters is that this is the life we live in.  The question to ask rather is:

Who does this PTSD not belong to ?” because that stands to be a shorter list. 

I am still shaking with fear, and now anger and pain have joined. Whilst I still don’t know what to do to make this evil stop, I am grateful I have a Soul Dancing workshop coming later this week. I am stepping into this one to dance all the PTSD out of my body, my soul and my spirit.  The great thing about Soul Dancing is that I can work with one charge and clear all the anger, the fear and the pain in various sessions. The power in clearing all these emotional charges is that if I don’t, then I am actually choosing to block all the joy, love, lightness and greatness within me. 

I am encouraged always to face all my “demons”, this one too, by the following quote from my favourite poet?

“The best way out is always through.”

Robert Frost

I love 💗

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I do not possess one of the sharpest memories and the habit of forgetting stuff seems to be getting worse instead of better. Shonda Rhimes, in her book 'A Year of Yes', captures our problem clearly when she says, about her memory: "My brain, she is old. Really old. Gumming-her-food old... My memory sucks... Names are forgotten, details of one event are switched with another... The insides of my brain are a fading photograph, stories and images drifting away to places unknown. Leaving patches of nothingness where a name or an event or a location should be... My memory is ever-so-slowly being replaced by blank spaces. The details of my life are disappearing. The paintings are being stolen off the walls of my brain. It’s exhausting. And confusing. And sometimes funny. And often sad." I, therefore, rely on tools to capture anything I consider important to remember so that I can easily come back to them and remind myself. This serves as that space for me. Anything I capture here is for my benefit later on. Later on is sometimes that same day, the next day, a week later, a month later, etc. ♥️

3 thoughts on “Intention – To Dance all PTSD out of my Soul

  1. Thank you for sharing Gcin and for daring to stop and look what’s inside of you, the layers to the onion of you are never-ending however the Butterfly of you is gaining more beautiful colors as you dig deeper. You Love indeed ♥️♥️♥️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh wow, you can say that again Thule 😍, this is some onion and I am not surprised any more by what comes up. I focus my eyes on the beauty of the butterfly 🦋 at the end of the journey. Thank you very much for commenting.


  2. I never thought of witnessing as a part of PTSD but it makes sense. How often do we sit in anxiety of pain we have witnessed and moreover fear experiencing first hand. We have to keep working through our emotions, healing isn’t a one stop shop. Thank you for your insight.

    Liked by 1 person

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