Helpless Love

Only Time knows the true value of Love

The following is a moral story that always pulls all my heartstrings at the same time in beautiful yet indescribable ways. On this special day, the 9th of October 2019, as I look back on the 20 years of being on a spiritual journey; I felt the need to share something of significance. This story is that thing of significance to me.

Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island. The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty.

Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realised it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope.

Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?” “No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.”

A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.” Vanity responded haughtily, “No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet.”

Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. “No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself.”

When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone. Love was growing restless and dejected.

Just then somebody called out, “Come Love, I will take you with me.” Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place.

On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, “Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?” Knowledge smiled, “Oh, that was Time.” “And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?” Love wondered. Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied,

Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world.”

from the Gurukul

I could write books about the 20 years from 9 October 1999 to date – what a time it had been! The Gurukul ends this story with the following call which I am taking upon myself as padkos for the next many years of growing in love:

The important message is that when we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?

I love

Intention – To Dance all PTSD out of my Soul

May 2019 Soul Dancing

I was lost in a strange busy city where I knew no one. It was broad daylight and people were busy walking up and down, however, I connected to no one to ask for directions. Walking on foot, trying to find my way back, I tried a “gate” where a few men were sitting and chatting. Interestingly, for a moment in the dream, it felt like I was passing through the “City gate” mentioned in the book of Proverbs 31 (you know how dreams can be like).

As I walked past, contemplating where the exit would take me; I was suddenly stopped, more like halted, by 2 men who told me in a not-so-friendly manner that I would need to pay to get out from that side. So, avoiding any trouble, I quickly turned back to go in the opposite direction hoping to blend in with the crowds. The men pursued me and quickly caught up and said: “lady, that’s not how it works around here; you need to pay”. 

Now, I could tell that I was really in trouble.


Suddenly, I remembered that I had often gotten out of trouble by being “nice” and showing the trouble-makers kindness in the hope that they may realize that I didn’t “deserve” any trouble. So, in spite of the fear I felt in my entire body; I smiled and showed them that I did not even have a bag with me and therefore no wallet and no money to pay them with. I told them that I was lost and trying to find my way back to where my wallet was. I told them that since I could not pay them, I would simply find another gate where I would not need to pay. By this time, the men’s eyes were big and round in a scary way. I was not ready for one of them tapping me fast in my vagina, on top of my clothes, saying: “even if you don’t have money, you can still pay us”. Then he had his tongue out as though ready to devour me right there and then.


As I normally do in nightmares, at this point, I jumped out of sleep and woke myself up to find my heart beating very fast with fear and a sense of powerlessness. 


Wow! Now, that was the worst dream I have ever had. Whew! I woke up wondering:

What could the dream be about?

Was it a warning perhaps?

#Am_I_next?

After calming myself down, I had the word PTSD flashing in my mind, as though I was getting a message that the interpretation of the dream lied in that word. I have studied Post a Traumatic Stress Disorder both as part of my Junior Degree as well as the Psychology Honours degree and knew that it was a serious disorder. But waking up from the dream I needed a quick reminder. So I consulted the good Dr. Google and I found the following meaning, among many:


Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967


Indalo would Ask: “Who does the PTSD belong to mama?” from a “game” we play together to acknowledge that we are sensitive beings who, most of the time, take on other people’s emotions, feelings, and /or illnesses.


Yes, it was a dream and whether I am “sponging” from the many women that are living this dream daily in the world or it is a buried memory coming to surface I do not know and frankly, it does not matter. What matters is that this is the life we live in.  The question to ask rather is:

Who does this PTSD not belong to ?” because that stands to be a shorter list. 


I am still shaking with fear, and now anger and pain have joined. Whilst I still don’t know what to do to make this evil stop, I am grateful I have a Soul Dancing workshop coming later this week. I am stepping into this one to dance all the PTSD out of my body, my soul and my spirit.  The great thing about Soul Dancing is that I can work with one charge and clear all the anger, the fear and the pain in various sessions. The power in clearing all these emotional charges is that if I don’t, then I am actually choosing to block all the joy, love, lightness and greatness within me. 

I am encouraged always to face all my “demons”, this one too, by the following quote from my favourite poet?


“The best way out is always through.”

Robert Frost


I love 💗

It Will Be A Long Time

My love for stories does not discriminate against any and I find amazing lessons from the stories shared in the Bible. The story below has powerful lessons for me, particularly at this time of the year; as we approach the end of the year in a few hours time with most people saying good riddance to 2018 and looking forward to 2019 in the hope that it will be a “better” year compared to 2018.

The story is extracted from the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29:

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those (He) carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:

It will be a long time. Therefore build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

“When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:4, 28, 6-7, 10-11 NIV http://bible.com/111/jer.29.4,28,6-7,10-11.niv 

Summary points from the story:

  1. The Almighty God sent His beloved people to exile in Babylon from Jerusalem after they had not listened to Him over a long time.
  2. He then sends his prophet Jeremiah to write this letter to all His people in exile so they may be informed.
  3. In the letter, the key message to them is that “it will be a long time” before he brings them out of exile; 70 years to be precise.
  4. “Therefore”, the letter continues and then lists a number of things they should focus on to enjoy themselves where they are instead of whining about going home.
  5. God reminds them that His promises to them are good and He always fulfills them.
  6. He reminds them again that His original plans have always been to prosper them and give them hope and a future and never to harm them.
  7. The Lord also tells them to pray for the good (peace and prosperity) of the cities they currently dwell in as captives because that’s where they will also benefit from.

I don’t know about you, but my first take from this message is a powerful lesson about being present wherever I am in life, no matter what is happening – what we nowadays call ‘the Power of the NOW’. I find it easier to escape into fantasy or step into regret when I face tough times or life is not going according to my plans and literally wait for the improvement of that situation. Imagine if I did that for an entire 70 years. 

God is literally telling His people to continue to LIVE, have FUN and BE PRODUCTIVE in exile, in spite of the exile conditions. Yes, He told them to laugh and play, get married and have children. Putting their lives on hold until God got them out of exile could actually be a sin because it would be a defiance of God’s message.

70 years is a long time my friend and a lot could have happened in that time. Some people surely died in exile, holding on to the promise of going home. Did that change the plans that God had for all His people? In Hebrews 11, after going through a list of people considered to be the heroes of faith, the writer concludes chapter 11 by saying:

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:13-16 NIV http://bible.com/111/heb.11.13-16.niv

I don’t know what year 2018 was for each of us. For some it could have been year 5/70; whilst for others year 35/70 or even 69/70. I therefore also don’t know what year 2019 will be for each of us. I have no idea who our captors will be either. What I know is that we are commanded to live our best lives  as long as there is breath coming out wherever we are. We are commanded to be present in each moment, experience everything and even pray for the captor’s prosperity and peace. Perhaps we can lead clean up campaigns in the cities we live in and not only send money home to take care of the environment there. Perhaps we can finally start that recycling program and take care of the planet as we recognize ourselves to be global citizens. Perhaps, we can consider taking care of the orphans in the cities we work in. The list is endless.

May we all have a beautiful 2019 filled with love and gratitude. May we embrace each moment and not miss a thing. If any of us dies during 2019, as it is sure to happen; may we die having lived our best lives. Simply because God says so. He knows the plans He has for us and they are plans for us to prosper, plans to give us hope and a future.

I love ♥️

It is wonderful to be loved, but it’s profound to be understood ❤

“It’s wonderful to be loved, but it’s profound to be understood.” Ellen DeGeneres

When I first heard this quote, it instantly resonated with me. In fact to me, to be loved is to be understood. Love devoid of that deeper understanding is not love. It is when everything about me is out in the open that I appreciate that love that sticks around.

I have always loved Ellen DeGeneres ❤ and the Oprah interview gave my love for her more substance because I can say I then understood her more. Following that interview, I can say that I have a deeper appreciation of how purpose and vision for life can appear as a setup and trap sometimes. She is a self-confessed people-pleaser and all she wanted was to be loved by everyone but she had to “choose” a life of a gay comedian at a time when intolerance towards gay people was rife.

The lesson I learnt from the show was that if I truly want “people” to love me, I must then present them with the total package of the authentic me, otherwise I’d never be content with the love I receive as a photocopy of the real me. Even if it means only 2 people would love the authentic me, I’d know that their love was real and meant for me.Ellen De Generes

Get Up and Start (Again)

Most of us – those that tend to “hibernate” in Winter – are right now, on our back foot as we crawl out from the various holes we went into in Winter. Chances are quite a few balls relating to our health plans were dropped resulting in us going a few steps back in various aspects of our dreams.

At times like these, my mind races back to a message in a quote I heard many years ago. This quote always pushes me to get up from any hole I might find myself and reclaim my willpower to pursue my dreams:

The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry our their dream.

Les Brown

Right now, I realise that it doesn’t matter what I didn’t accomplish yesterday. It doesn’t matter that I sometimes entertain thoughts of defeat and even believe that nothing would ever change.

It matters that I am alive and not one of the statistics that fertilizes the graveyards of the world. So, I choose again and I am pulling myself back onto the saddle. I focus on taking action today towards what is important to me.

W. H. Murray once said:

This may sound too simple, but is great in consequence. Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

He finished it off by referencing one of my favourite quotations attributed to Johan Von Goethe:

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!.”

img_2467-2.jpg

So, here I start again. I am committed and there is no hesitation because I don’t want to contribute to the riches buried in graveyards. I bring with me the energy of an Enneagram Type 3 personality and the following strengths from my Gallup Strength Finder Assessment Results:

  1. Focus
  2. Positivity
  3. Achiever
  4. Competition
  5. Activator

You better watch this space 🤗

“Boldness has genius, power and magic in it”

To access the tools referenced above:

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com

https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/home/en-us/cliftonstrengths-how-it-works

Motivation is always availed to whoever asks for it ❤ (20/09/’16)

I really did not want to go for my morning workout this day and I had lots of valid reasons why I should not. But then I remembered the goals I had set just a mere 2 days prior. I also remembered how crucial consistency was to me and the success I was aiming for. I remembered the pants I want to fit into and how great the vision of me in 8 weeks time was and I recommitted myself for the day.

So, in spite of the fact that I had forgotten my iPod at home, I went to the Balalaika hotel gymnasium not very sure what I would do except show up. After a 10 minute warm up on an elliptical climber, a treadmill opened for me to get onto. Because I had no music to listen to, I doubted that I would last long on it and already I began to justify how another set of 10 minutes would be better than nothing.

Fortunately I now had access to the remote control for the TV at the gym and I changed to another channel. In the very next channel, Karate Kid Chapter 6 was playing. Oh boy! That happens to be one of my favourite movies and I had watched it a few times before already. I just knew that I had found the missing motivation for the day. Before I knew it, I had been walking for 28 minutes at a good pace without feeling bored at all.

There generally is a lot I love about China; from the great Wall of China, the martial arts and the architecture of their homes to the food. The pose in this picture invites the athlete in me to aim for that kick someday. Could it be by the end of this 8 weeks challenge 😍

This scene moved me close to tears because I could identify with the hero in Dre Parker. Here, after having his leg broken deliberately, he is telling his coach Mr. Han why he still wanted to go back and fight in that condition. He says his main reason is because he is still “scared”.

In the journey to win the fight against food addiction and self deprioritisation, I am mindful of the fact that there will be times when life will literally break me and those would be times when getting up to go back and fight would not make sense. At those times, I would call upon the heroic Dre Parker in me and say, “for exactly the reason that I feel like giving up and eating unconsciously and just slouching on the sofa, I shall get up and go fight back until I love every moment of the new healthy lifestyle”.

This photo shows me what 99% commitment can do. At this stage Dre Parker was not thinking about the pain in his leg, he was totally focused on winning the fight in front of him. I love the look of intent, determination and presence in his eyes.

Push ups! my current biggest enemy. I recommitted to working on building my upper body strength.